Losing Focus

        I really am losing focus. On life, on my goals, what I really want, and what I have to do. I'm just not good at meeting deadlines and doing things. On another note, I thought I was okay in the whole being alone department, but unfortunately it doesn't take much to lose focus in that too. But I just have to remember everything that I've learned from these past few weeks and years being myself. I have to meet my responsibilities and do it for the right reasons. In short, in the words of a wise man, life is full of bull and I have to man up to meet those challenges in life. I have to appreciate myself and it is actually kind of hard to do that.
       Today was really unproductive as Saturdays are want to be. I did go to an interview for a counselor position today. It was for Camp Kesem, which is an amazing and wonderful organization helping kids whose parents have cancer. Absolutely wonderful. I have had amazing experiences with the camp and the people in it and I'm really excited to continue that journey. One thing that I realized that I more than ever need to man up and really carry myself with more self-respect. I don't know, I always really carry myself in a very loud, energetic and kind of frivolous manner when I'm with friends. It makes for a really good time with friends, but in all honesty as an adult man I have to get it under control. I wanted to do the teen camp portion of camp, but it seems I won't be considered maybe because I might not be such a good fit for older teens when I'm so seemingly much better with younger kids. However, I just know I could be a great teen camp counselor. Just really make it happen. I know inside I want to take that next step than working with the smaller kids, although it was actually a wonderful experience. In addition, I applied for a fundraiser postion too, although I probably won't get that either. The reason for that being I'm not qualified. But in a sense realizing all of that motivated me a bit to really strive to do something more than I already have. To be honest, I think it's time for an overdue change in myself. A change that doesn't need to happen all at once but it needs to happen soon. On another note, a friend told me that just six months ago I was drastically different from the person I am now. Interesting. I guess this is what they call growing up.

-C.C.

Overcommitted

          That's my problem. All the time. It's almost four in the morning and I really have a problem. I stayed up until three last morning not getting anything done and then skipped a class today. I then went to the rest of my classes just knowing that I had a bunch of things on my mind I still haven't accomplished. I have a test on tuesday, some planning I need to do, my applications to finish, and homework I need to take care of and all of this. Today all I really did was just go around applying for more things to do when I clearly can't even handle the things that are on my plate now. It seemed like such a good idea at the time but things can come crashing down really soon if I'm not careful and prudent about my actions for the next two days. Today was another lesson in over committing since I had the chance to go to this amazing broomball social but I didn't because I thought I could handle going and visiting a friend's place first. I did hang out with my friend who I had so much fun with but I missed broomball, which was kind supposed to be the highlight of my week. I really wish I was there. I guess that's just another lesson I have to learn the hard way. I do this to myself way too often and I have to learn that I just can't deal with it. Yikes.

-C.C.