Losing Focus

        I really am losing focus. On life, on my goals, what I really want, and what I have to do. I'm just not good at meeting deadlines and doing things. On another note, I thought I was okay in the whole being alone department, but unfortunately it doesn't take much to lose focus in that too. But I just have to remember everything that I've learned from these past few weeks and years being myself. I have to meet my responsibilities and do it for the right reasons. In short, in the words of a wise man, life is full of bull and I have to man up to meet those challenges in life. I have to appreciate myself and it is actually kind of hard to do that.
       Today was really unproductive as Saturdays are want to be. I did go to an interview for a counselor position today. It was for Camp Kesem, which is an amazing and wonderful organization helping kids whose parents have cancer. Absolutely wonderful. I have had amazing experiences with the camp and the people in it and I'm really excited to continue that journey. One thing that I realized that I more than ever need to man up and really carry myself with more self-respect. I don't know, I always really carry myself in a very loud, energetic and kind of frivolous manner when I'm with friends. It makes for a really good time with friends, but in all honesty as an adult man I have to get it under control. I wanted to do the teen camp portion of camp, but it seems I won't be considered maybe because I might not be such a good fit for older teens when I'm so seemingly much better with younger kids. However, I just know I could be a great teen camp counselor. Just really make it happen. I know inside I want to take that next step than working with the smaller kids, although it was actually a wonderful experience. In addition, I applied for a fundraiser postion too, although I probably won't get that either. The reason for that being I'm not qualified. But in a sense realizing all of that motivated me a bit to really strive to do something more than I already have. To be honest, I think it's time for an overdue change in myself. A change that doesn't need to happen all at once but it needs to happen soon. On another note, a friend told me that just six months ago I was drastically different from the person I am now. Interesting. I guess this is what they call growing up.

-C.C.