Wednesday was pretty laid back in that I didn't get anything done. I mean, I went to a few organizational meetings to see what was up and spent some part of the day marginally studying for classes, but beyond that, I just can't believe that I didn't get as much as I wanted done. It was discouraging. However, one very interesting development occurred that day. I had lunch with a friend I hadn't really talked to in around a year or so. I'll name him Mick. We had known each other for most of college and had lunch quite a few times but we never really went beyond that kind of casual relationship. I bumped into him a day or two ago and then we decided we would have lunch on Wednesday. To me he seems rather successful since he's going off to law school and is busy with this well-known Christian men's organization. He's done stuff with his life and I'm sure he will continue on that path. Sometimes we really click, and sometimes, conversation is kind of painful with him. Partly because I feel he can tell when I squeeze in filler topics with no substance due to my discomfort at lulls in conversation. Partly also because we don't have that much in common? I suppose it might just be me. In any case, we had a pretty decent conversation that day. It went well. One thing that was different about all our other encounters was when he brought up God in the conversation. I knew he was a respectably strong Christian before, but it seems he has really grown and matured and advanced in his faith. He decided to ask me about how I felt about God. I feel a little ashamed to say that I actually felt somewhat uncomfortable. I don't know. I guess that religion is something that I consider somewhat private. This is kind of contrary to what many people at my school do since I know quite a few people very open and communicative with their faith. Such a thing doesn't bother me, but I prefer to keep to myself. Maybe it's because I haven't had many experiences that have asked me to share and discuss it. So when I answered him, I told him honestly I do hold a relationship with God important, but that my stance with the church and the theology was more vague and shaky. When I asked him the same question, he gave me a somewhat personal answer that I thought was interesting. Like how realized he didn't really understand what God meant to him, how he thought that what he was doing as a "righteous" person was enough and how he would observe people seemingly partaking in sin and feel better than them in some way. But reform his perceptions a bit and was in a different place. After this exchange, he told me he wanted to keep on discussing these kinds of things with me and really get to something deeper. The conversation eventually trickled down to more superficial topics that I brought up to ease the lull and eventually we parted ways. For me, this an interesting conversation. I guess I was looking for something deeper these days. At the same time I was thinking of exploring my faith a bit more. Both of those things I put on my to do list and went on with my life. So perhaps, thinking about all this, I'll take his bait and try to get deeper with him. See where it takes me. Perhaps this will help me develop as a person. Perhaps it will become a bit awkward, but we'll see. I guess my Wednesdays will be a bit more interesting.
On the following day I also got diddly squat done today academically. I had a quiz today that I completely bombed even though I thought I studied adequately. It put me in a somewhat peeved mood. I actually couldn't go back to studying so I went to work out instead. It really didn't improve until I finished class for the day. I later I may have wasted the day away instead of being productive. I mean, it was pretty fun with an intramural soccer match and a trip to an ice cream place and a cozy little burger place thirty minutes away from town, but really I had so much to do today I don't understand how I could still be so negligent. I guess I am in for a long night? It was kind of worth it. I did have fun. So, no procrasturbating for me tonight. Hopefully. Weeeeell, not for long perhaps. Maybe. I don't know. I'll keep an open mind. That's more like it. Weird how I talk seriously about developing myself and such one minute then joke about procrasturbating the next. I'm a real mess.
-C.C.
