Good lord. Today was kind of brutal. Actually, I should have said the past few days have been brutal. I've gotten like five or six hours of sleep in the past three days? I cannot believe how willing I am to drag myself through the dirt. All for a test I don't think I did super stellar in today. Oddly enough my professor called me out in a joking manner perhaps that he made a bet with the TA's that I wouldn't read the sample questions for the test that he decided to put in the test. I actually did read and research the questions beforehand but I decided to answer with a suprised, "WHAAAAAT???" So of course I looked like the fool and seemingly validated his bet. FANTASTIC. I'm a slacker now. Also, to make things worse I had to go to research lab right after that doing prep work that was supposed to only take an hour but took me almost two and a half hours. I was so damn tired and I couldn't think straight. I literally could not retain any information on how to do the lab. I swear I almost fell asleep in lab. In addition, I was just looking at all of the things I had to do by next week and I have a test, a written test, a lab report, homework, and I need to finish my graduate app before the end of the week god knows what else left. Wow. I don't feel so good. I need a break on life.
In other news Happy Valentine's Day! I actually don't feel upset or depressed about today at all. Judging from my past mood swings I guess I should be in the throes of angst and self-pity but I feel pretty alright. I guess that's a good sign. I actually feel good enough to work out and be productive! Whoa. I think I'll go do that and really tackle what I have to do. On a weirder note to keep myself awake while I studied I went and jacked off for a while at like four in the morning. It worked, but there is this odd cycle where sometimes I won't spank the monkey for a while and I'll become really horny for a day then for a good number of days afterward I find it easy to continue not jacking off because I just don't feel horny. At all. The same thing happened today. I was so busy for the past few days I didn't really do anything so I thought it would be great to let off some steam but the whole time I was jacking off I just didn't really feel anything. It was the oddest thing ever. I even ejaculated and everything...but I felt....normal. No pleasure receptors ringing...nothing. I mean, all that kept me awake and partially aroused but...nothing. Anything, it's probably not a big deal but it was a little unsettling.
-C.C.
