I'm still a little poo. I really am. Not to anyone in general, just to myself. I can't stop procrastinating. There's so much to do. And I never do it. The most notable thing I did today was wake up early so that I could get to meet with a professor today. It went alright...we were supposed to talk about things in order for her to write a good recommendation for me, but the fact of the matter was that I feel like she was giving me a poker face so to speak. As if my plans were really not concrete enough for her to make a good enough letter for me. Maybe it's the other way around. Maybe I've been thinking that all along and my insecurity is coming out now. I don't know. I felt like a little kid under the spotlight and gave answers that every adult nods their head to but couldn't possibly take seriously. If only I took my life more seriously and actually sat down to ask myself the difficult questions in my life instead of pushing them to the back of my head. I can't stop hurting myself in this way. It's just crazy. I just get so scared of it sometimes. So when someone asks me about my future, it all just comes boiling up again. One goal I hope to accomplish is to conquer whatever this is, because I know I can be better. It just that...where do I start?
-C.C.
