An Update

So the guy messaged me again today and apologized for "being so vulgar". I thought that was nice. I was wondering where that nice guy part of him went and if he always had this horny bastard side of him. But then again I can't judge. I'd probably be the same if I wasn't such a wimp. Honestly though...I was looking forward to fooling around with him and now maybe it'll be awkward since he'll want to be more cautious if we ever do meet up? I dunno, I just want to throw away all that stay classy stuff right now and just make out with him hardcore. When he apologized I assured him it wasn't a big deal and then offered...a cuddle date. Wow. I might like men but that is cringe-worthy. I just am really not socially gifted am I? I don't know. I'm at that weird stage where I'm really horned up thinking about fooling around with that boy but not in the mood at all to look at some porn and get it over with.
    By the way, I feel like I should elaborate that he's not what you'd call a stud but he's cute and him being a redhead pushes all the right buttons for me. He seems like a regular friendly guy. He had cerebral palsy as a kid and had experimental surgery as a child so now he's fine and healthy but he suffers from spasms every so often. Some people might not like that but I think it's kind of cute. By the way, I don't really think we click that well. I'm just saying. We get along, but we exchange niceties and then he usually leaves the conversation politely since we don't really have much else to talk about. Also, I'm notoriously awkward at conversation. I had thought I'd be much more adept by now but it seems I am still glaringly lacking. So, even if we do have this...cuddle date (Ugh, let me go work out after this so I don't implode from embarrassment) I think whatever we might have will die down pretty quickly. Will it get awkward? I'm afraid it will. By the looks of it...maybe I won't get laid after all. Whatever, I still need to go work out so I'm not so doughy. I actually still want to fool around in that model bedroom though, so if nothing else goes right in my life, I can tell that to rando's who'll pay me mind and think I'm interesting. Fantastic.

-C.C.

Well that was easy.....

    Doing it with a dude. Not even romance, but just the simple things like for instance making out and feeling another person's (again mainly a guy's) warmth, touch, and weight on me seemed like something I'd never do for a really long time. Maybe in my late twenties. Yeah, sounds about right. Yipes. For a really long time that tore me up inside. It killed me. As much as I tried not to, I started to secretly resent couples not because they were in love, because love is just a whole mess in itself, but because they got to do the little simple things that I always craved of doing. 

    So it was really crazy that in the last half hour, the guy I found out was gay online just randomly messaged me on facebook and effectively led to him hitting on me. Hard. And I have to say, I'm glad I stuck to my guns and all but I really was tempted to go to his office and have a makeout/heavy petting sesh with him. He even offered to do it in the model bedroom with me! Hahaha. I was tempted to do it just for kicks. But anyway, just a day or two ago I was wallowing in self pity that I had no one to do anything with and then all of a sudden this happens. I mean, I really wanted to just jump on the first guy who offered but goodness. Anyway, he's cute and a redhead-ish kinda guy but we'll see what happens. 

    However, when he was hitting on me hard, it was the sort of "send me some pics" and "come to my office and you can see my peen in person" kinda thing. A turn on and a turn off at the same time. I want to go with full on abandon but at the same time I want to have a little decency thrown in there. There's this balance in my head between the "I wanna make out and touch his junk side" and the "I gotta stay classy and really not rush into this" side. Very confounding. So, the whole conversation was more or less that he came on to me, and I said "Say what? The hell you talkin bout touchin these goods??? I wanna stay classy." and then he went on to prove a very convincing case of "C'moooooooooooon. We can do it in the model bedroom. C'moooooooon." Then end result being that I gave him a raincheck (because I really do want to make out in that model bedroom) and throughout the conversation I may have portrayed myself as a little bit of a flirt leaving him with a case of blue balls. I was a bit indirect throughout the whole thing but again that was because I was a little conflicted. He did tell me he was rock hard from our conversation which I thought was really hot. No lie. 

   I seriously knew I had to leave or he might have me facedown in a pillow perhaps, (truthfully, he really wasn't THAT persuasive, but I don't know, maybe it's the young male virgin hormones kicking in) so I told him I had to go to sleep, which I do, and we exchanged numbers. Which MAY have been a bad idea but I wanted to take that risk.  He did say "Night Stud" which I liked, for obvious reasons and I shut down facebook. I'm pretty sure I opened a can of worms here, but I am rather interested to see what happens. And truthfully, it may be not such a big can of worms after all. This is my first time doing ANYTHING with a guy, nevermind flirting and being hit on and I have to say, it did feel really good. Actually, right before he talked to me I bust a nut and here I was getting hard and horny again. I really was tempted. No lie. 

   Anyway, it's so late but where else would I share this story?? All I wanna do now is makeout now. GAWD. At least I'll get SOMETHING in my LAST YEAR OF COLLEGE. Fantastic track record. On second thought I do wonder whether I might come off kinda gay and that's why he hit on me, but I guess I'll have to leave it be. But now all I want to do is go out and work out nonstop because I don't look too impressive. In fact I feel sloppy and a little doughy. You win the grand prize buddy, making out with a sloppy mess like ME. HELL YES. Life is interesting, but then again, I'm gushing over an incident where a dude couldn't get in touch with a booty call and went out on a limb to come onto me and then proceeded to slightly aggressively hit on me. Although maybe he was just really horny and any guy would do? Definition of romance? Absolutely not. But then again, I'm thinking about touching his johnson right now so where does that put me?

-C.C.

P.S. He's the student coach for the rowing team at our school and I was thinking of joining next semester...so there's that...we'll see.