As wonderful as my bout of non-productivity was last night, it all too quickly turned into a chaotic realization that I still have an overwhelming amount of things to do. Oh dear lord. I think I'm going to need to pull a heavy almost all nighter with this one. I just need to finish all this stuff if I really want to do the things I have to do. Oh god. Also, I have small anxiety burst in my head that tire and short circuit me sometimes. I also had a whole afternoon to do all of the things I needed to do but I still didn't really succeed. I did one or two things, but really I could have done so much more. I am so terribly good at squandering my time it's terrifying.
On a brighter note, I went to be productive at a coffee shop today and met an old friend that I decided to sit down and study with him. I'll call him Eddy. Well, he's not really that old since he graduated college only one year ago but we've been on good terms even though we don't really meet up and hang out. He's an openly gay guy but just very an unassuming and very normal guy. He actually came out last year so it was somewhat of a big deal for him. I far as I know though everything went well and not much really happened to him. He's a little geeky by the way but that's the way he likes to be. I actually almost forgot how good looking he was. I mean, he's more cute guy next door attractive than Adonis hunk kind of attractive but really, what does it matter? Attractive is attractive. Anyway, that important thing is we have always gotten along well and he is just a nice guy. Now that I'm thinking of really opening up my sexuality more I kept on playing in my head the scenario of maybe going for him. Perhaps hanging out with him more and even starting to try and date him one of these days? It was all very compelling to think about as we talked and laughed and enjoyed each other's company. It was nice and it leaves me a little confused on where to go from here kind of. However, I got pretty much nothing done after three hours of that and on top of that I still have so much to do. I guess I'll have to worry about Eddy AFTER I get my life together. Also, I sound like a teenage schoolgirl talking about all these ridiculous little crushes and what if's. It's kind of annoying. Mah bad.
-C.C.
