Sunday, February 19, 2012

Floundering and Flailing

          That is how I feel. It's kind of terrible. I've been so tired and busy lately I haven't been able to make time for very much really, including taking a few minutes to blog. Life just sneaks up on you and then before you know it you're underwater. I guess a few highlights that happened since the last time were that I found out that I'm going to be an uncle! Truthfully this isn't really such a big deal since I already am an uncle to a bunch of other kids, but this time I have a niece/nephew that's actually going to be born in the States this time! I can actually be in their lives and grow up with them! I'm so excited! This is tempered with the news that my cousin Max is going to a convent to become a nun. She has really become one of my favorite cousins with whom I've really enjoyed her company. She is just so congenial and such a stand up person yet she's making this crazy and monumental choice to become a nun. It's just mind boggling. However, it's what she wants to do right? I'll just miss her when she's gone.
         Meanwhile back in my life, I literally am a bit terrified. I have so much to do. I just can't believe how ridiculous it is. I haven't even studied for my tests yet. It's really stressful. The thing is, this semester is vital to restoring my chances to medical school and these classes really aren't helping. I am just a bit upset at myself for choosing these classes and such but really I hope everything will turn out all right. The most upsetting thing lately is that I've been even worse at managing my time these days. I don't even have a heavy class load really. I mean, I have very difficult classes but I'm taking ten hours of schoolwork. How in the world can I even hope to tackle med school? What am I thinking? Anyway, on the plus side I've been working out more often and I feel better about myself. More attractive perhaps? I suppose. I've recently come upon the realization that even though I love watching all those storylines on television about this gay who comes out and starts dating guys, etc, I think I'm kind of tired of it now. I want to start my own story now. I want to be the one to go out and meet someone and maybe fall for somebody. SOMETHING. I don't go down into the dumps like I used to. I know I'll find somebody. But god am I just so horny sometimes. Also, I've been fostering a crush on this one guy. Pete is his name and he's just so nice and laid back and attractive. He's pretty straight and all so I have to go through this process of getting over a crush again. Truthfully I really like him so being friends with him would be great. This whole thing will go away in time. I hate crushing on straight guys. It's useless and nothing happens, but I guess a guy can fantasize every so often and get away with it.

-C.C.