Living

For some reason..........I feel like I'm not living the life I want to live........

What am I going to do???

Tonight

Tonight, I am hiding from my roomates, who are having fun. I am hiding from them so they don't invite me to their time consuming drinking games. I have SO much work to do and I can't confront them like this. It'll get awkward. I have so much homework......I can't believe it..........

Anyway, I also bumped into that guy again who I found on the sites. Interesting to see him after so long. Also, I am getting kinda sick........let's see how this goes.......

It's the little things........

Ever since spring break it has been making me SUPER depressed. I feel like no one responds to my messages and stuff.........It makes me realize I'm not very good at keeping friends. Like at all. :((((

I wish I could make connections with people better....but whatever I guess. I just can't let it go. 

Also, my organization that I'm in called "One Love" just isn't cutting it for me. I don't know what it is but I am so socially awkward when I'm around those people. I just haven't been making that connection and yet so many other people around me seem to be doing so and having a great time. I kind of dread going to the meetings because I just don't really connect with anyone and conversations are just flat and superficial. But sometimes it's nice to be there....sometimes I guess......

In other news I messed up in Biochemistry lab today.......OMG so awful. But my lab partner didn't get mad at me and instead got mad at herself. It was mostly my fault though....shucks. I feel kinda unintelligent in many of my classes, but I guess that's the learning curve that I just gotta conquer.

Anyway. Biochemistry test on Thurs!!! Need to study and do an all nighter!!!! Wish me luck. I keep on using the internet to procrastinate. Geez!

Productivity......

Chopped mah pubes off instead of studying for Biochem.

Worth it?

Not sure. My crotch feels like a prickly pear and I cut my johnson with the razor......... D:

Good thing I don't have someone to shack up with so they don't see my debacle of a crotch right now....dear lord.

But I did feel really productive. Haha....woo...

Roomates are playing beer pong today on a Sunday night? Woo college.

One of those nights....

So....what I'm doing right now is searching youtube for clips of dudes making out that will somehow make me feel less lovesick while only making things worse. This is supplemented by listening to songs of Adele....singing about soulful heartbreak. Fantastic.

I really hope life picks up after spring break. I REALLY think I'm gonna die alone now haha....wow.

Facebook is depressing. On the up side I went to the rodeo with a great friend of mine and it was the funnest I've had all spring break. It helped me disprove my whole "I have no friends" thing I have going on right now. Jeez. I wish I would just get a bit more mature already.

Got a freakin BIOCHEM test on thurs. Sunday will be buckle down day I guess haha. Back to college station. WHOOP!!!

I think I'll try and reconnect with old friends. Because I really want to. Let's see how that works.

Awww shucks

I feel like I need to take better care of this blog. But anyway, life is kinda blah for me lately. What I mean is that for some reason. I REALLY think I'm gonna die alone. Haha, now I say that jokingly but I still can't shake off that feeling.....

Maybe it's just because I'm stuck at home while everyone else is enjoying their spring break in a much more exciting way. I'm literally stalking people on facebook 24/7!!! Dear lord!!!!

I also think I'm a bad friend.... :((((((((

I think I haven't made the connections that I wanted to have with others and that those connections aren't gonna last after I leave college...But i doesn't bother me so much anymore...

In addition, I don't really know what I was thinking with the last post but now I'm just really embarassed.

I think the most interesting thing that happened to me this spring break was that I found out someone I had class with is gay. It was crazy. I was actually really happy that I found that out. Not because I can get some or something, wow. Stupid. But because I actually know someone that is in the closet like me. I know who they are and what they're like kind of. It was relieving to know. Actually, my mind did start racing around thinking about how I should talk to him somehow and just get things started. I kept thinking about it for a long time thinking "WOOO let's shack up or sumthin!!" But I think that was more due to the fact that I guess I just want to be loved so badly and to be in a relationship so badly. It's kinda crazy. Not that I would succeed anyway. I have no moves and I get so awkward....I got no balls when it comes to love anyway....

Anyway, I found out because I recently registered for ManHunt and Adam4Adam and saw him there but truthfully I think this is a low point in my life. I REALLY need to get off the computer now. I REALLY do. But I am glad I found out about that guy. It made me feel better for some reason.

Peace out computer. Time to do something productive. Mah god. Also, this laptop has reached maximum suckage. I tried to fix it on my own but then I made it worse. So.....Ima gonna go and spend $$$ that I was trying to avoid for about a year now.....

Also, being back home made me realize that I do want to be a doctor a lot more than I realized. A lot more motivation than I realized. Good. Good for me.

Sometimes, I'm glad I have this blog. I don't have to worry about what I say or to whom. It helps.

YES!!!!!!!