Well that's upsetting. I really hoped that for the most part I would be much more vigilant and responsible in keeping up with my every day posting resolution that I was trying to do but I guess I just ended my streak. How anti-climactic. There wasn't really any big reason I didn't blog yesterday except for the fact that I was extremely busy and very poorly dealt with the time I had. I did have a good amount of fun though. Yesterday, was a wonderful day. It was the bee's knees. I mean, I finished class at noon-ish, found out I didn't bomb my homework assignment, spent my idle time not doing too much, worked out for the second time in a row, then went to a meeting that was really fun where I got some free home cooked Italian food, and then came late to a friend's birthday get together at a steak place. All the while the whole day was just beautiful and sunny and relaxing. The last part was kind of embarrassing since I thought I could come late but then it turned out everyone was waiting for me to get there before they were seated. Yipes. I was just great and relaxing to spend so much time with a bunch of friends and have some more time for just leisure. At the very end of the night I did drag myself to a library to study for a quiz and try to be productive but it seemed I was much slower at studying than I thought I'd be. Dear lord. Going to sleep at four a.m. and then waking up at ten was a bit painful truthfully.
Today wasn't so awful. I went to class and did decent on my quiz. I then bumped into a friend who I later went to eat pizza with who called me out for being late to class. It was funny. I bummed around trying not to study for the longest time afterwards. I had a huge break in between class and I knew I had to catch up on work for a test coming up, etc, but truthfully I was just not feeling it. I was also sore in a good way from the last few days of working out. Really the most notable thing to happen here was that a started talking to this guy Dan on Grindr. No big deal about him really except I guess talking to any guy on Grindr makes my heart beat a little faster for inconsequential reasons. He was nice and asked for a pic that I didn't have on Grindr. I was kind of embarrassed partly because I didn't have one and that I have noticed that all my pictures still look awful. I actually tried to use my phone camera to provide a picture but I am not exaggerating when I was a little horrified to see how terrible I looked. I mean, I looked like a pathetic, run down version of myself that gained an extra fifteen pounds. I guess this means I'm not photogenic. I swear I can look halfway decent. I really want to keep on talking with him solely for the fact that I just want to get out there and meet and date people. It doesn't matter right now if I crash and burn as long as I just DO something already. Sometimes, I think I look very unattractive. Not just so-so but actually full blown unattractive. I wish it wasn't a big deal to me. I know I have to really come into my own and appreciate and accept all of myself but for some reason I just have a discouraging self-image problem with myself. I think that is one of the reasons that hold me back from being with someone. But that's ok, because I'll send in that pic, because I can work halfway decent. And if I still look run down and fifteen pounds overweight then that's fine because photoshop and dark, smoky club venues can be my new medium. It's fine. Or maybe I should just go back to studying for the life goal of getting REALLY fat but very rich from my high powered job that I will have one day. Yeah...that's it.
-C.C.
