So I woke up today thinking I was going to the rodeo with my old friend Dani. Her family goes every year to the cook-off and there is some amazing BBQ to be had. However, this year was different because I didn't go. Previous years we didn't go because of school work and awful tests, but this time I was just being an awful friend me thinks. I decided to go to a concert tonight but that meant not going to the rodeo and then all of a sudden I had the brilliant idea to go in the morning and come back in the afternoon to meet up with my concert friend I'm sure when I ultimately decided not to go anymore. Well, the decision mostly being I was thinking about going and then I went back to sleep. So I decided by default I wasn't going when I woke up too late to go to the rodeo. I feel like a crummy friend, seriously. She told me in advance but I never got back to her and then I tried to do two things at once but that didn't work out. It was kind of our thing that we do as friends and this may have been kind of important to her but apparently not as important to me. Also, I woke up to my mom livid at me for not calling her for two weeks and not answering her phone calls. I'm just terrible with taking care of those who matter the most to me even after all this time. Dani is the type of person who doesn't really let you know when she is hurt of offended and that's tricky for me since I'm the type of person who doesn't see that, although I'm sure I did this time. I guess I have to make it up sometime later...hopefully. I know we're best friends, but I sure don't act like it sometimes...
I guess the highlight of the day, in which nothing else really happened was that I had a flurry of dreams last night. It was crazy. So many dream sequences I couldn't even believe the stuff that was going on. The most interesting things being that I had some crazy wet dreams twice in a row. Well, to be honest they're not sex dreams because I never have sex in my dreams, and when I do anything intimate with someone they're rather rare and never very racy. But when they happen they're kind of the closest thing I have to anything resembling sexual things and I get excited. The first dream was kind of weird but also kind of hot since I was hanging out with this huge jock guy and his girlfriend, but every time she wasn't looking he'd hit on me and tease me sexually or something. The most dramatic moment being when we were actually standing in front of a big department store display case and he reached around and really went at tweaking my nipple. He knew what he was doing too. It hurt a little, but it also gave me a bunch of pleasure too. I couldn't believe it! Right in public. And then we went back to his girlfriend. Then in another dream sequence, I was at the pool and surrounded by guys in speedos. Sure, it sounds like a gay porno shoot waiting to happening, but we were all chilling in the sun and all these guys were naturally really hot and I just leaned over and started making out with one guy. It was awesome at first, but then thinking back on it my dream kiss was weird since I was kissing him but he wasn't kissing back so it was more like tongue-ing an open mouth. I guess since I've never been kissed before it kind of makes sense that my dream wouldn't be very realistic I guess. When I realized this I felt a little dismayed. I want to feel attractive and be with another guy but I know if I do it I'll just feel dirty and empty at the same time. I still feel bad about my friend but I don't have time for this since I have to get ready for that concert I'm going to now. Hopefully I can make it up to Dani somehow.
Let's see how the rest of my weekend goes.
-C.C.
