Forever Aloneeee

        Today was a pretty substantially good day. I fell asleep extremely late but woke up early. This usually never happens and I always miss anything in the morning. Why today was different I won't really know. In the morning I had a walk-in I had to get to and I got there, signed in and went to my pre-med advisor. For the longest time I had little hope that I'd get into med school with my credentials but surprisingly she gave me hope. I then went on to go grab a breakfast burrito which are a real treat for me because for some reason I have a weakness for unhealthy breakfast burritos. I then went to class where there was a test review but it was near impossible to understand what was going on. I'm obviously not going to enjoy this upcoming test but it's friday, so what the hay? Amiright? I then finished more class and went to eat lunch with a cool gal who I used to mentor. We didn't talk for half a year, but I just kinda missed her since I was her mentor back in the day. It was really fun to hang out with her since we laughed quite a bit and I really enjoyed her company more than I thought I would. That sounds kind of pretentious but ah well it was fun. I then went to a lab where we extracted bacteriophage viruses out of samples we collected from the outside world and the whole class was actually really relaxed and a bit fun.

        However, the whole day my calves were just killing me and by the end of the day they literally prevented me from walking. I actually clawed my way to the gym only to find that my calves just couldn't take anymore activity in general. It was a bit much for me. I went directly home but then on the upside when I went home, a HUGE storm came complete with thunder, and lightning, and even hail. There was actually a tornado warning in effect. I actually loved every minute of the thing. The thunder, the lightning, the strong constant downpour and rattling of the hail. Man, it was beautiful. On the upside, I caught up on some shows that I loved and continued talking to Danny on Grindr. Now, I know that thing isn't eharmony nor is it some magical boyfriend device, but just talking to another normal guy who likes guys makes me feel good. I went on for an hour just talking about the storm and tv shows. I then showed him a pic or two of me. This is where things went south. I was trying to sound funny but I guess I came across as whiney about my pics and the pics I did have I don't know if they were any good or not. Either way, I guess we can be casual friends or something. I don't know, the conversation kind of did a nosedive and it might have been my fault. Right before, he invited me to watch this show, "I Just Want My Pants Back" and my heart jumped a little and I kind of wanted to squeal like a little girl kind of. In all honesty I don't really want to have high hopes for this guy or Grindr. It just doesn't feel quite right even though it was a good conversation. I can kind of tell he wasn't that into me anyways. But to be honest, the purpose wasn't really to talk to some guy and lasso in a boyfriend but just talk to a guy in general. Even though I do get horny and lonely all the time these days, I refuse to be a penis monster that'll shag any guy who'll take me. Or, I hope I don't become that person. It's so easy to do I'm sure. All this feels like baby steps. In a way it frustrates me, but I am glad I'm doing this since even the baby steps of talking about nothing to some guy throws me through a loop. Auugghh, my brains hurts now that I've talked to him. The last message I sent him talked about being how I'd love to watch that thing with him and he answered, "Yep" back to me. DAMMIT. Oh well, chalk it up to experience. Anyway, I guess a better goal would be to stop sounding like a teenage girl in these posts. I seriously cannot bear to read what I've wrote in the past few weeks just because I most probably depict myself inadvertently as a HUGE vagina. 

Am I being self critical? No...a HUGE vagina sounds about right.

-C.C.