Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Floundering and Flailing
That is how I feel. It's kind of terrible. I've been so tired and busy lately I haven't been able to make time for very much really, including taking a few minutes to blog. Life just sneaks up on you and then before you know it you're underwater. I guess a few highlights that happened since the last time were that I found out that I'm going to be an uncle! Truthfully this isn't really such a big deal since I already am an uncle to a bunch of other kids, but this time I have a niece/nephew that's actually going to be born in the States this time! I can actually be in their lives and grow up with them! I'm so excited! This is tempered with the news that my cousin Max is going to a convent to become a nun. She has really become one of my favorite cousins with whom I've really enjoyed her company. She is just so congenial and such a stand up person yet she's making this crazy and monumental choice to become a nun. It's just mind boggling. However, it's what she wants to do right? I'll just miss her when she's gone.
Meanwhile back in my life, I literally am a bit terrified. I have so much to do. I just can't believe how ridiculous it is. I haven't even studied for my tests yet. It's really stressful. The thing is, this semester is vital to restoring my chances to medical school and these classes really aren't helping. I am just a bit upset at myself for choosing these classes and such but really I hope everything will turn out all right. The most upsetting thing lately is that I've been even worse at managing my time these days. I don't even have a heavy class load really. I mean, I have very difficult classes but I'm taking ten hours of schoolwork. How in the world can I even hope to tackle med school? What am I thinking? Anyway, on the plus side I've been working out more often and I feel better about myself. More attractive perhaps? I suppose. I've recently come upon the realization that even though I love watching all those storylines on television about this gay who comes out and starts dating guys, etc, I think I'm kind of tired of it now. I want to start my own story now. I want to be the one to go out and meet someone and maybe fall for somebody. SOMETHING. I don't go down into the dumps like I used to. I know I'll find somebody. But god am I just so horny sometimes. Also, I've been fostering a crush on this one guy. Pete is his name and he's just so nice and laid back and attractive. He's pretty straight and all so I have to go through this process of getting over a crush again. Truthfully I really like him so being friends with him would be great. This whole thing will go away in time. I hate crushing on straight guys. It's useless and nothing happens, but I guess a guy can fantasize every so often and get away with it.
-C.C.
Meanwhile back in my life, I literally am a bit terrified. I have so much to do. I just can't believe how ridiculous it is. I haven't even studied for my tests yet. It's really stressful. The thing is, this semester is vital to restoring my chances to medical school and these classes really aren't helping. I am just a bit upset at myself for choosing these classes and such but really I hope everything will turn out all right. The most upsetting thing lately is that I've been even worse at managing my time these days. I don't even have a heavy class load really. I mean, I have very difficult classes but I'm taking ten hours of schoolwork. How in the world can I even hope to tackle med school? What am I thinking? Anyway, on the plus side I've been working out more often and I feel better about myself. More attractive perhaps? I suppose. I've recently come upon the realization that even though I love watching all those storylines on television about this gay who comes out and starts dating guys, etc, I think I'm kind of tired of it now. I want to start my own story now. I want to be the one to go out and meet someone and maybe fall for somebody. SOMETHING. I don't go down into the dumps like I used to. I know I'll find somebody. But god am I just so horny sometimes. Also, I've been fostering a crush on this one guy. Pete is his name and he's just so nice and laid back and attractive. He's pretty straight and all so I have to go through this process of getting over a crush again. Truthfully I really like him so being friends with him would be great. This whole thing will go away in time. I hate crushing on straight guys. It's useless and nothing happens, but I guess a guy can fantasize every so often and get away with it.
-C.C.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
It's Go Time
Things have been stressful considering all the stuff that I've been trying to accomplish. Mostly trying to get my graduate application in, tackling a test, a written test, and a lab report all in one week. I just don't know what I'm gonna do. What in the world? Today was kind of difficult since I was late to class and missed another one which left me in a sort of peeved mood. I also forgot to bring my phone to school which meant I didn't have lunch with Mick today. I'm glad that he remembered though since I saw the text he left me. I just think it was an awful idea to stay up until six in the morning trying to get my stuff in order. What did I just do? I'm too tired to think but then I have to do one hundred sit ups before I go to sleep. Ugh. On another note, I saw my old crush at the gym today. We worked out next to each other on multiple occasions but I really didn't want to bother saying hello. Thought it would be awkward for both of us. I wonder if he saw me? I was a bit upset I kept thinking if he saw me and obsessed over seeing him. Still immature as always it seems.
-C.C.
-C.C.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Aftermath
Good lord. Today was kind of brutal. Actually, I should have said the past few days have been brutal. I've gotten like five or six hours of sleep in the past three days? I cannot believe how willing I am to drag myself through the dirt. All for a test I don't think I did super stellar in today. Oddly enough my professor called me out in a joking manner perhaps that he made a bet with the TA's that I wouldn't read the sample questions for the test that he decided to put in the test. I actually did read and research the questions beforehand but I decided to answer with a suprised, "WHAAAAAT???" So of course I looked like the fool and seemingly validated his bet. FANTASTIC. I'm a slacker now. Also, to make things worse I had to go to research lab right after that doing prep work that was supposed to only take an hour but took me almost two and a half hours. I was so damn tired and I couldn't think straight. I literally could not retain any information on how to do the lab. I swear I almost fell asleep in lab. In addition, I was just looking at all of the things I had to do by next week and I have a test, a written test, a lab report, homework, and I need to finish my graduate app before the end of the week god knows what else left. Wow. I don't feel so good. I need a break on life.
In other news Happy Valentine's Day! I actually don't feel upset or depressed about today at all. Judging from my past mood swings I guess I should be in the throes of angst and self-pity but I feel pretty alright. I guess that's a good sign. I actually feel good enough to work out and be productive! Whoa. I think I'll go do that and really tackle what I have to do. On a weirder note to keep myself awake while I studied I went and jacked off for a while at like four in the morning. It worked, but there is this odd cycle where sometimes I won't spank the monkey for a while and I'll become really horny for a day then for a good number of days afterward I find it easy to continue not jacking off because I just don't feel horny. At all. The same thing happened today. I was so busy for the past few days I didn't really do anything so I thought it would be great to let off some steam but the whole time I was jacking off I just didn't really feel anything. It was the oddest thing ever. I even ejaculated and everything...but I felt....normal. No pleasure receptors ringing...nothing. I mean, all that kept me awake and partially aroused but...nothing. Anything, it's probably not a big deal but it was a little unsettling.
-C.C.
In other news Happy Valentine's Day! I actually don't feel upset or depressed about today at all. Judging from my past mood swings I guess I should be in the throes of angst and self-pity but I feel pretty alright. I guess that's a good sign. I actually feel good enough to work out and be productive! Whoa. I think I'll go do that and really tackle what I have to do. On a weirder note to keep myself awake while I studied I went and jacked off for a while at like four in the morning. It worked, but there is this odd cycle where sometimes I won't spank the monkey for a while and I'll become really horny for a day then for a good number of days afterward I find it easy to continue not jacking off because I just don't feel horny. At all. The same thing happened today. I was so busy for the past few days I didn't really do anything so I thought it would be great to let off some steam but the whole time I was jacking off I just didn't really feel anything. It was the oddest thing ever. I even ejaculated and everything...but I felt....normal. No pleasure receptors ringing...nothing. I mean, all that kept me awake and partially aroused but...nothing. Anything, it's probably not a big deal but it was a little unsettling.
-C.C.
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