Living Life...for a little bit.

         This weekend is going to be just amazing. I can visualize it, I can feel it, I can literally taste it. If I haven't already mentioned I'm going to enjoy being a college kid for once and just have fun. All the time. Jealous? Yeah-Yuh. Anyway, Thursday wasn't so bad because my classes were just rather laid back today. The main points there being that I had lunch with a guy I really admire. He's a nerdy, alcoholic, party-going, hairy, soon-to-be doctor Irishman. I swear, this is partly why I love college because I get to know people like him. The thing is, I have a terrible habit of putting people on pedestals and he is one of those people I do that to. He is just so intelligent yet he's so charismatic. I love this guy. I wish we were better friends but I just don't have a very good time keeping in touch with people. In any case, we had burgers on the rooftop of a bar on a beautiful, warm and windy day and we had a good talk and laugh about a bunch of things. The thing is sometimes we don't have much that ties us in common anymore and so I feel awkward trying to keep the conversation going sometimes when the conversation lulls. It makes me restless. As if it is a glaring notice that our relationship is bordering on "someone I used to know" instead of real friends and that concerns me sometimes. However, eventually I guess I got more comfortable and I think we had a good time just catching up. After lunch we decided to go and get a quick sake bomb before class and I totally accidentally spilled my sake into my drink so we had to all suddenly bomb before we were ready. I spilled half of the stuff down my shirt but it was really freaking fun. Nothing like taking the edge off of school by day drinking and spilling everything on my shirt. To be honest my friend is kind of an enabler when it comes to drinking, but really being with him is a good time. On the other hand, his life is really full of achievement and successes and his life is gonna be going a mile a minute being an MBA/MD student and being a navy doctor and all. Sometimes, I feel inadequate when I'm around him, like I'm wasting his time discussing our future plans with him. However, I have plans and stuff too. I just have to get my life in order too.
             Later that day, I went to an intramural soccer game where we literally were turned into puree by the other team. I mean, I got a fantastic workout and it I just love playing soccer with my team in general and hanging out with them but dear lord was the other team merciless. One girl on my team was actually tackled into and flipped over onto her face. That was kind of crazy. Noncompetitive intramural league my ass. Awful game aside, a few of us hung out together at a taco place and it was really fun talking and getting to know people. Pete was one of these people and it was great talking to him since he is a pretty cool and interesting person. In addition, I finally was able to make myself realize the fact that he is straight as an arrow so I can just freaking move on. Pathetically enough I felt a bit upset afterwards and ate a bunch of celery and peanut butter later at home as if that was some kind of panacea for sour feelings. I hate crushing on straight guys just because I always do this to myself. Man. Later on that night my old roommates texted me to hang out and even thought I was a bit hesitant at first, I was so glad I did. I forgot how much fun I used to have with them. It's odd how much I laugh and have a good time with one of them, Stevie, when he's a blatant homophobe. But really, it's fine.
             Today, on friday, I had a pretty busy day with classes, the most notable moment being when my professor ragged on me for more or less being a "goober" and the rest of the class followed suite. I mean, it was funny to tell the truth and not so embarrassing really. However, one day, I really hope that people will respect me more and not just think of me as the quirky funny kid that has a really distinctive and loud personality. Also, I had to stay half an hour later than everyone else since I just could NOT understand a part of the lab procedures. It was absolutely unreal how dense my head was not to understand something like that. But all in all everything turned out fine. For the rest of the night I hung out with my freshman friend, Crystal, who's the lesbian I mentioned. We had dinner together and then we bought glow sticks for this special 5K to support orphans in central america where you run in the dark with those things. It was nice to do something like that, although we walked the whole way and I really just wanted to run. However, I have to sleep early and such, because I'm going to the rodeo for some genuine Texan BBQ and then going to a concert for a little band called Passion Pit. THEN, I'm going to do a bunch of organization stuff later on Sunday to top it all off. It's going to be busy and crazy but definitely fun. I'm excited. I love when my life is like this. Hopefully, I'm still making good decisions.
            One last note, for lent, I gave up extraneous internet browsing. That means I'm going to drastically cut back on all the things I do to waste time on facebook and the rest of the internet. This includes internet episodes, online comics, just anything really, but the hardest thing being included is porn. I just thought I'd throw that in because I do spend too much time doing that so from here on out, we'll see how long I can swear off porn too. I think it'll be a good endeavor. We'll see. My longest time has been about two weeks without. Sad perhaps but a personal best really. Anyway, time to party it up until I have to get back to work again.

-C.C.

P.S. If you haven't checked out Passion Pit, maybe it's time you bring back happiness and wonder back into your life.

Overdue

           I really don't feel well. I've had to deal with such a crazy amount of work in such a short amount of time and it shows. If it weren't for the five cups of coffee I had to down I would be in a very bad place. I actually crashed on the bedroom floor for a few minutes I was so tired. This terrible undertaking is called physical chemistry and today I got extremely lucky. I was so overloaded I didn't have time to study until the night of the test yet I happened to center right on the questions that were on the test. Absolutely astounding. Well, almost, at least I won't make a thirty. I think. Who knows. This whole week has been a terrible blur of stress and work. This is just too much. I'll be very surprised if I don't get a stomach ulcer from stress. It's all over now though, so time to celebrate! I have such a great weekend planned of doing a glow in the dark 5k, going to an animal shelter on Saturday and then a Passion Pit concert, then doing some organization workday stuff on Sunday. It's just going to be a blur of fun activity that I will be so excited to be a part of.
         In other news, my organization did a "Guess Who's Gay" panel today. It was just really enjoyable since I actually got to talk to and hear other GLBT people talk. They were normal for the most part and one guy was all scruffy, straight and cute. It really did me good to go to that meeting. After the meeting, I spent more time with my freshman that I've been mentoring/hanging out with and well, I've never expected that we would see each other almost every single day. It's rather crazy. I can't even explain it. I think we may need some space but in some respects it's pretty cool I guess. What I did find out was that this whole entire time she was actually a lesbian. Wow. That was really amazing. I couldn't believe it for a little bit, but for her to simply come out and say it to me all of a sudden was just mind-boggling. I later revealed that I was bisexual to her and she was actually pretty surprised too. I even told her about a cute guy we knew just to reassert the fact. However, I got the feeling she needed to digest that information a bit more. I don't know but for some reason she seemed uncomfortable learning that. Odd. She told me that today was "interesting". Wut? But looking back on it, today was "interesting" for me too. So I guess I'll leave it at that for now.

-C.C.

Delirium

All nighter again today. Bad decision's impact felt right now. Absolutely ridiculous.

Floundering and Flailing

          That is how I feel. It's kind of terrible. I've been so tired and busy lately I haven't been able to make time for very much really, including taking a few minutes to blog. Life just sneaks up on you and then before you know it you're underwater. I guess a few highlights that happened since the last time were that I found out that I'm going to be an uncle! Truthfully this isn't really such a big deal since I already am an uncle to a bunch of other kids, but this time I have a niece/nephew that's actually going to be born in the States this time! I can actually be in their lives and grow up with them! I'm so excited! This is tempered with the news that my cousin Max is going to a convent to become a nun. She has really become one of my favorite cousins with whom I've really enjoyed her company. She is just so congenial and such a stand up person yet she's making this crazy and monumental choice to become a nun. It's just mind boggling. However, it's what she wants to do right? I'll just miss her when she's gone.
         Meanwhile back in my life, I literally am a bit terrified. I have so much to do. I just can't believe how ridiculous it is. I haven't even studied for my tests yet. It's really stressful. The thing is, this semester is vital to restoring my chances to medical school and these classes really aren't helping. I am just a bit upset at myself for choosing these classes and such but really I hope everything will turn out all right. The most upsetting thing lately is that I've been even worse at managing my time these days. I don't even have a heavy class load really. I mean, I have very difficult classes but I'm taking ten hours of schoolwork. How in the world can I even hope to tackle med school? What am I thinking? Anyway, on the plus side I've been working out more often and I feel better about myself. More attractive perhaps? I suppose. I've recently come upon the realization that even though I love watching all those storylines on television about this gay who comes out and starts dating guys, etc, I think I'm kind of tired of it now. I want to start my own story now. I want to be the one to go out and meet someone and maybe fall for somebody. SOMETHING. I don't go down into the dumps like I used to. I know I'll find somebody. But god am I just so horny sometimes. Also, I've been fostering a crush on this one guy. Pete is his name and he's just so nice and laid back and attractive. He's pretty straight and all so I have to go through this process of getting over a crush again. Truthfully I really like him so being friends with him would be great. This whole thing will go away in time. I hate crushing on straight guys. It's useless and nothing happens, but I guess a guy can fantasize every so often and get away with it.

-C.C.