The Dreamscape

        I had a chock full of dreams last night. It was amazing. I remember most of them pretty well. One of them was about some kind of rush to go somewhere or do something that had to do with my cousin and her husband. In my dream they weren't married yet but about to be and there was some urgency. But we all ended up getting into a red car and traveling somewhere. Later on, I get out of the car and I am greeted by a really old friend. Probably one of my oldest friends from pre-kindergarten. He goes to my college now but we've drifted so far apart we can only be classified as strangers now. It makes me a bit sad but after a long time I've come to terms with it more or less. In the dream he's a car attendant and he doesn't recognize me. We get along really well and catch up on everything. It was nice. It's just odd to see him as a car attendant washing the car, etc since he's really well-dressed these days and everything. It felt as if we could one day be the best of friends again, but at the same time it felt like it would never happen since both of us were still ultimately strangers to each other in the dream.
        The most memorable dream I had that night was with my now deceased grandpa and I think my grandma as well. It was actually the first of my dreams. Up till now I had never had a dream of him. It was kind of just what I needed though, because all we were doing was spending time with each other. The house we were in was their old house, but it was strangely illuminated by only one singular light so the rest of the house was swathed in degrees of darkness and shadow. At the same time it wasn't scary but warm and comforting. For a small moment it felt so real and it made me extremely happy that I was reunited with them and I could have that last talk with them that I neglected to have with them before. It is rather unusual for me to feel great waves of happiness or emotion in a dream. In retrospect, I'm not sure why it took me so long to realize it was all a dream because somewhere in that particular dream I saw gramps guest star on Sesame Street. He was in costume as a homeless man. He looked like Oscar, from Arrested Development. Identical to this picture.

So yeah, it was a dream. But it was a good one. A dream sequence that made me think and cause me to take a few moments out of my day and just look back on my life. Interesting. 

Twenty One

Yep. It's here. I'm twenty one!!! Today is officially my birthday. It really feels good. Nothing has changed perhaps, but I think that it's gonna be a pretty god-durn good year. I'll try and make it the best year I've ever had. We'll see what happens. Wow. It's just so strange, but I think things are gonna be looking up I'm sure.

The First Father's Day

Seeing my parents gets me so emotional these days. Especially Hallmark originated pseudo-holidays like this one that make me evaluate their significance in my life. Probably because I don't have my grandparents living next to me anymore and that their age seems to show so conspicuously now. It's a little bit scary but more than anything it makes me sad. Like every moment is a moment that I will never have again. I feel sometimes like I'm grasping at straws. I'm moving on with my life and starting new things, but at the same time I feel like I'll be leaving behind my parents. So, in the process, I'll be effectively missing out on them. It's just an emotional rush every time that I don't know what to do. There's nothing wrong with them medically, and yet I can't help feeling like they might disappear any day now. But deep down I know that maybe all that I'm feeling is justified. Just maybe.

We watched a video of my grandpa's seventieth birthday. It was really wonderful seeing everyone happy and looking so much younger and different. Seeing baby me spit up on himself a few times wasn't very cute though. It was great to see a throwback to the old days and remember my grandparents still going strong. And then it hit me. This was the first father's day that I wouldn't have a grandpa to celebrate with. And it was the first father's day that my mom didn't have her father to celebrate with. Strange...

Weird...

It's summer...so I should be happy...but why does it feel so lonely? Oh well I guess...