I feel like I need to take better care of this blog. But anyway, life is kinda blah for me lately. What I mean is that for some reason. I REALLY think I'm gonna die alone. Haha, now I say that jokingly but I still can't shake off that feeling.....
Maybe it's just because I'm stuck at home while everyone else is enjoying their spring break in a much more exciting way. I'm literally stalking people on facebook 24/7!!! Dear lord!!!!
I also think I'm a bad friend.... :((((((((
I think I haven't made the connections that I wanted to have with others and that those connections aren't gonna last after I leave college...But i doesn't bother me so much anymore...
In addition, I don't really know what I was thinking with the last post but now I'm just really embarassed.
I think the most interesting thing that happened to me this spring break was that I found out someone I had class with is gay. It was crazy. I was actually really happy that I found that out. Not because I can get some or something, wow. Stupid. But because I actually know someone that is in the closet like me. I know who they are and what they're like kind of. It was relieving to know. Actually, my mind did start racing around thinking about how I should talk to him somehow and just get things started. I kept thinking about it for a long time thinking "WOOO let's shack up or sumthin!!" But I think that was more due to the fact that I guess I just want to be loved so badly and to be in a relationship so badly. It's kinda crazy. Not that I would succeed anyway. I have no moves and I get so awkward....I got no balls when it comes to love anyway....
Anyway, I found out because I recently registered for ManHunt and Adam4Adam and saw him there but truthfully I think this is a low point in my life. I REALLY need to get off the computer now. I REALLY do. But I am glad I found out about that guy. It made me feel better for some reason.
Peace out computer. Time to do something productive. Mah god. Also, this laptop has reached maximum suckage. I tried to fix it on my own but then I made it worse. So.....Ima gonna go and spend $$$ that I was trying to avoid for about a year now.....
Also, being back home made me realize that I do want to be a doctor a lot more than I realized. A lot more motivation than I realized. Good. Good for me.
Sometimes, I'm glad I have this blog. I don't have to worry about what I say or to whom. It helps.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
A prayer in the night
A little while ago, I stopped thinking about this website as a blog since I thought that I have nothing to blog about. However, this is probably more due to the fact that I am lazy, a too undermotivated, and distracted by more important busy work elsewhere. But when I do need to say something I'm glad I have this blog.
This won't be too long since I have to wake up at 6:00 am for a chemistry study group. It'll be awful but hopefully not too awful. We'll see.
Anyway, I have two roomates and one relatively new roomate who moved in a month or two ago as opposed to when I moved in in August. The new roomate is a cool guy. He originally went into the army and now he's back in school and plans to study fire science and start his life. He is rather down to earth but at the same time he has a good sense of humor to balance himself out. He's also a partier and a slight drunk, but he fits in with my other roomates. I don't drink very often at all but on a blue moon I'll get in the spirit I guess...haha.
He's an all around amiable guy and I like him more or less. We get along rather well. The thing is, he's homophobic. He's made it clear quite a few times. Not that he openly discriminates per se, but he definitely does not appreciate the company of a GBLT person. That makes me a bit sad. In addition, what odd and ironic karma that he's rooming with a closeted bi guy like me. Actually, I feel like I'm more sexually confused really but that's not the point here. It makes me uncomfortable not because of his opinion, but because I'm always so timid when it comes to voicing my opinion on these matters. Tonight, we were watching a talk show disscussing those suicides of the bullied gay kids and NR voiced his opinion again. My other roomate is pretty chill when it comes to GBLT people and I'm happy for that and he voiced his opinion accordingly, but I really could say very much at all. I wish I could have added a bit more, but I didn't although I have some good points now that the convo is over. I just hope that maybe he could be a little open minded about this as time goes on. He's not a bad person though, and he's welcome to have his own opinion, but I think this kind of thinking is just so backward and useless. A bit discouraging when I think about it really.
However, what really got me was when he started talking about this guy named Keith. Keith is a guy who was a childhood friend of NR's brother and they grew up together, etc. Long story short Keith and some other guy hooked up in his car and two months later the whole small town that NR came from knew about it. The little brother was livid apparently. Partly because him and Keith were in a threesome with some girl and now his gay childhood firend saw him naked and it's complicated, etc.
But I just couldn't stop thinking of Keith until I wrote this all down on paper. The whole town knows he's gay and it's probably full of homophobic people too and amoung other things he's lost his best friend. Suffice to say Keith's life is hard for him and I just want to say a prayer for that guy. I don't know how he looks like, who he is, or what are his circumstances, but I want to pray for him. That life gets better for you man and that you come out of your problems better than you went in. If I could I'd reach out to you buddy, but in the anonymity of this blog, that's probably not gonna happen. When I came out to my one best friend it was a bit terrifying. I was lucky for things to have worked out, and I braced myself for a reality without her, but losing a friend at all is not a world I want to be in. Either way, good luck Keith, and good night because it does get better doesn't it? That what that one congressman said in his public address that one time and what famous celebs like Pink and Ke$ha have also said something about one way or another. So hopefully, it does. For all of us out there.
This won't be too long since I have to wake up at 6:00 am for a chemistry study group. It'll be awful but hopefully not too awful. We'll see.
Anyway, I have two roomates and one relatively new roomate who moved in a month or two ago as opposed to when I moved in in August. The new roomate is a cool guy. He originally went into the army and now he's back in school and plans to study fire science and start his life. He is rather down to earth but at the same time he has a good sense of humor to balance himself out. He's also a partier and a slight drunk, but he fits in with my other roomates. I don't drink very often at all but on a blue moon I'll get in the spirit I guess...haha.
He's an all around amiable guy and I like him more or less. We get along rather well. The thing is, he's homophobic. He's made it clear quite a few times. Not that he openly discriminates per se, but he definitely does not appreciate the company of a GBLT person. That makes me a bit sad. In addition, what odd and ironic karma that he's rooming with a closeted bi guy like me. Actually, I feel like I'm more sexually confused really but that's not the point here. It makes me uncomfortable not because of his opinion, but because I'm always so timid when it comes to voicing my opinion on these matters. Tonight, we were watching a talk show disscussing those suicides of the bullied gay kids and NR voiced his opinion again. My other roomate is pretty chill when it comes to GBLT people and I'm happy for that and he voiced his opinion accordingly, but I really could say very much at all. I wish I could have added a bit more, but I didn't although I have some good points now that the convo is over. I just hope that maybe he could be a little open minded about this as time goes on. He's not a bad person though, and he's welcome to have his own opinion, but I think this kind of thinking is just so backward and useless. A bit discouraging when I think about it really.
However, what really got me was when he started talking about this guy named Keith. Keith is a guy who was a childhood friend of NR's brother and they grew up together, etc. Long story short Keith and some other guy hooked up in his car and two months later the whole small town that NR came from knew about it. The little brother was livid apparently. Partly because him and Keith were in a threesome with some girl and now his gay childhood firend saw him naked and it's complicated, etc.
But I just couldn't stop thinking of Keith until I wrote this all down on paper. The whole town knows he's gay and it's probably full of homophobic people too and amoung other things he's lost his best friend. Suffice to say Keith's life is hard for him and I just want to say a prayer for that guy. I don't know how he looks like, who he is, or what are his circumstances, but I want to pray for him. That life gets better for you man and that you come out of your problems better than you went in. If I could I'd reach out to you buddy, but in the anonymity of this blog, that's probably not gonna happen. When I came out to my one best friend it was a bit terrifying. I was lucky for things to have worked out, and I braced myself for a reality without her, but losing a friend at all is not a world I want to be in. Either way, good luck Keith, and good night because it does get better doesn't it? That what that one congressman said in his public address that one time and what famous celebs like Pink and Ke$ha have also said something about one way or another. So hopefully, it does. For all of us out there.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Life is better
When I listen to Train, I always feel good. Maybe its due to songs like "Meet Virginia" or "Drops of Jupiter". But life is looking good really. Or more importantly, better than awful. I usually don't blog if life is going well. I need an emotional outlet and this is where the sad upchuck goes. Oh well. I might update later when I feel like writing something with substance. Haha.
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